The Wild World of SAHM Videos

Plus a Day in the Life of *this* SAHM, morning to lunch

I almost made a U-turn for this textile studio 😂

Yet another day in Austin traffic with the AC combating outside triple digit temperatures and I find myself slouching further and further in the seat, grateful that my husband is now in Texas and has taken over the driving. It’s the final day of Ruby’s camp, and each day has involved over an hour of commute in the heat both ways. I am exhausted.

We stop for lunch at a local cafe where the decor is eclectic and fun. Tom orders a coffee, black, and the waiter while pouring exclaims, “Because that’s how the good Lord meant it to be drunk!” I find it amusing how open, how loud, how often I see and hear references to the good Lord even in Austin, supposedly the most liberal city in Texas. My blackened fish tacos are so well seasoned and delicious I wish I had two stomachs.

But by the time I arrive at my daughter’s house for the rest of our stay, I stumble past her doorway and flop onto the mattress on the floor in the side bedroom. I sleep for hours, and wake up with an excruciating headache and low grade fever. That is where I stay for the next day and a half. I end up sending the rest of my family home and delay my own flight for another two days after the fever breaks, giving myself time to recover. You know what the proverbs say about the plans of men.

Sick and Away From Home

Unfortunately, I did not pack enough reading material or things to do to allow for holing up in a room alone for so long, and scrolling my phone only makes me feel worse. I find myself on YouTube and discovered an entire world of women who are making videos about what (supposedly) being a stay at mom looks like. To say I am stunned would be an understatement. I don’t know what shocks me more: the gowns these women are wearing or their supposed lifestyles. I say “supposed” and “supposedly” because I cannot (canNOT) believe these are actually real.

One woman’s toddler had a cough so she decided, apparently on the fly, to make cough drops. Of course I am interested, I’m a herbalist who makes many of her own medicines as well. But in the course of this video, everything (not just her hair and makeup and prom gown, but her spotless kitchen and her child’s behavior…or maybe the kid was getting babysat somewhere else, who knows) was completely perfect. Not even one oopsie bloop of syrup or one cracked drop. I don’t believe for an honest minute this is reality.

But it sells.

It sells in views, in monetary gain, and in engagement. To be fair, many commenters share my incredulity, but far more are enthusiastic and inspired to translate what is offered on these videos into their own daily lives. The Real Reality is that your toddler won’t wait for you to get dolled up before needing help with his cough. If he’s really sick, he’ll probably be whiny and clingy and there’s no way he’s going to want to wait a couple hours for relief while you set out all of your ingredients (which of course you had on hand), mix, melt, stir (and stir and stir and stir…) and pour and harden and then plop out in perfect little circles (and hard cough candies for a small toddler throat! As if!). Unlike a perfectly sanitized and well lit kitchen, your (and my) kitchen will probably be a mess because breakfast will be in all stages of prep and eating and clean up, the floor will have random toy cars and socks laying around, and if anyone actually showed up with a video camera we would run and put pants on our kid and tie up the dog. Sure, we can (and do) make the syrups, drops, teas, and tinctures. But it takes far more planning, preparing, and time, and that doesn’t even include shopping for a ball gown to do it all in.

And how simplistic some of the homesteading videos! The women look so beautiful in their summery dresses and aprons and bare feet, gently picking green beans or whatnot for the very next meal. But every woman I know who gardens or raises livestock wears heavy denim and thick crusts of manure and soil under their fingernails, and it might take days and days to get to all of the harvesting, cleaning, prepping, and preserving or cooking the produce. Because only in YouTube videos does life flow along seamlessly without interruption or perplexities.

I spend about six hours watching these “inspirational” videos. Part of me, in my feverish delirium I’m sure, starts thinking I could do these but share the realities of interruptions, mistakes, messes, and frustrations. But no matter how I did it, I know it would ultimately be a show, I know it would take over my home (lights! camera! action!), and my life is already full enough.

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Today, I am home and as I am thinking about these things and typing, my littles are watching a Bible video. The dishes are not done yet; I will get to those after I take them outside for play. I am remembering how I got down those YouTube rabbit holes: my own curiosity about how other stay at home moms do their thing. To be fair, I did find many decent channels about downsizing (forever downsizing, I am) and living simply, but even then, most of those mothers were not homeschooling, their children were away at school (at least one was with the au pair), or their babies had already grown up and left the nest. My life is very different. Yours might be as well. I applaud these women for creating beautiful content that gives them joy (well, some of them; some of them were downright snarky!) and I’m happy it makes them a good income for themselves and their families, but at the same time I want to warn viewers that they are watching a curated and carefully edited story.

Enjoy the offerings, but don’t compare it to your own very beautiful and creative real life. You’re not a loser if you aren’t Doing It All. Trust me, none of these women are “doing it all”. Or maybe I just got stuck on the algorithm that kept me fed with such nonsense and actually missed all of the really good ones (feel free to share your recommendations!).

I already shared what a morning was like for me at this time in my life. Here is what happened one morning, after I shut my bedroom door to greet the day.

• fed the cats so I wouldn’t trip over them

• rotated the laundry

• tipped out my sourdough caraway rye bread dough from the night before to rest on the counter (full disclosure: I did NOT grow the caraway nor the rye in my garden)

• checked the calendar for today’s events and meals to prepare

• prepared kefir smoothie for the children

• prepared and put lemon scones into the oven

• shook up the yarrow oil I was infusing

• fed myself breakfast: skyr with buckwheat groats and other toppings, slice of bacon, and supplements (ok, so I actually did raise the pig there)

• put the bread dough to rise

• got my two girls with Down syndrome up and ready, one at a time

• took out the bathroom trash and rotated the laundry

• fed all of the children, and wiped up everything afterwards (them, the table, the chairs, the floor)

• gathered them all for “Bible Time” (reading and prayer)

• made myself a decaf coffee and enjoyed a scone while checking news, email, and texts

• took the children outside to play

• took care of potty training one of the children throughout the morning

• practiced spelling to communicate with Ruby

• rotated the laundry (this is an ongoing theme)

• made lunch for everyone (adding to the dishes of the morning)

I’m very happy to be on the mend and to be home and with all of my babies again. Despite my illness, I am very glad we made the trip and it benefited Ruby tremendously. And as thankful as I am for being introduced to the wild world of “at home” YouTube videos, next time I’ll be sure to bring along extra books to read.