Slow Schooling Chapter Ten: Middles Through the Teen Years

"Just wait until they're teenagers..." (hint: it's AMAZING!)

Mental Gymnastics

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 04:31 (two months postpartum)

I’m trying to figure out the *perfect* time to begin a full schedule of homeschooling again, with the *perfect* mix of curriculum.

....hahahahahahhahahahahahaha...

Slow schooling through the middle and high school ages can be some of the best years as a homeschooling parent. After spending the early years working diligently to teach basic reading, writing and arithmetic (and gleaning from many, many other subjects during the pursuit of said “three R’s”), the older children are in a position to not only begin to self-direct their own learning, but to own it for life.

The middle years, around 12-14 years, are what I consider the “passing the baton” years. These are the years we begin to earnestly consider what interests and inherit talents our children have, and to think about steering them toward their strengths. Some children are naturally more oriented towards the language arts, and are eager readers or writers; others would rather work equations or figure out how things work. Some children prefer to spend their time in the arts, constantly crafting something or another, while others are outdoors most of the time, turning over rocks if they are not already climbing them. You’ll begin to get a good sense of how they work and relate with others, and what motivates them.

During these years, I teach my children to keep a planner. A planner can be as simple as a daily piece of scrap paper. At the beginning of the day, we go over what needs to be done that day, and write them down: math assignments, feeding the animals, even “up-n-ready” if they still have not mastered the basics of morning preparation, such as making their bed. I might ask them about any projects they are working on, and write those down as well. Because we have regular routines in our home, they know exactly when they will have the time to work on them.

At these ages, I am still doing some of the teaching. One child may need extra help with spelling, another using new math tools. But my job as a homeschooler has become less as a teacher, and more as a manager. I manage which curriculum fits each child best, which extracurricular activity fits the best, and of course the time in which they have to accomplish these things. We work on time management, and then on persistence when events or circumstances threaten to derail our efforts. I work harder on character issues because I want them to become self-directed learners. I move them as quickly as possible from the conformist and entitlement mindset of “tell me what to do” to shifting them towards ambition, responsibility, and having the willingness to take risks. They have heard me say often, especially when dealing with poor attitudes or faulty self-debasements, that “It is MY job to provide you with an education, but it is YOUR job to learn.” The middle years are a time of letting the children have more responsibilities with greater freedoms, but also a time of reigning them back in for more one-on-one teaching as needed.

One idea to help your child to own their own education is to be an enthusiastic supporter of whatever they think they may want to do. If they want to be chicken farmers, then get them a dozen books from the library all about chicken breeds and, if you are able, let them raise a bunch of poultry. Work with them to start a small egg business and never ever tell them that chicken farming is unrealistic, stupid, or just too much hard work. If your child grew up to happily raise up poultry and provide amazingly healthy eggs to his community at large while staying out of debt and enjoyed his lifestyle, why would that be so bad?

The truth is that their interests may come and go, or one thing in particular will stick. Don’t get so invested in your own dream of what your children will or won’t do for a living that you stifle their own decision-making abilities. Some of the best, most high-achieving people in our culture never even finished school. But they learned to set goals and overcome barriers, and that is something that is not necessarily taught through a textbook.

Let me give you an example from my then 11 year-old daughter. I already knew she had a bent towards thoughtful, diligent, and excellent work, and also that she seemed to excel and enjoy math and science. One day, I asked her what she thought she might be interested in doing, and she mentioned two things: raising hens (yes, that was my daughter), and working for NASA. So while we were able, she raised many, many hens (all with individual names of course). But we also went online and looked into what the requirements were for working at NASA. We discovered that there were several degrees that would be acceptable, such as one in mathematics. We decided that if NASA was the goal, then she would need to take a lot more higher math and we planned that out. We also had her meet Richard Gordon, a retired NASA astronaut, when he visited our community. While the public schoolers were sitting criss-cross-applesauce in the auditorium, she was shaking his hand in the hallway telling him about her ambition. Her photo was taken by the local paper while the principal stood there proudly, probably not realizing this child was a visiting homeschooler attending the public event.

I don’t think NASA is still on her radar (afterwards, it became veterinary work...isn’t it interesting that it is still science-related?), but it was an easy answer to give her on those mornings when she asked if she HAD to do her assignments: “Well, you don’t have to, but that’s what it takes to get to NASA....” (shrug). Once you connect the dots from the work at hand to the work they dream of, your job of motivating, bribing, or begging your student to do the work is finished because their purpose isn’t focused on pleasing you or making a letter grade, but on doing the life work they feel inspired, called, and enthusiastic about pursuing.

This is the point at which we have mostly parent-recommended, but child self-directed, learning. If a homeschooling parent has been patient with educating their younger child, taking into account maturity levels, and if that parent has put more focus into character building than into completing a particular curriculum (though character CAN be built through bringing something to completion via goal setting and simply not giving up, for example), then it is likely that the parent will still wield a great amount of influence over their child’s education. The child will, as a teenager, respect their parent as they work together to evaluate possibilities and make decisions based on what they agree as important in matters such as making a living.

There is a cost, however, in customizing an education in this way. Conformity and obedience to social and cultural mandates is not only expected, but rewarded. If your child desires an education that does not follow the current methodology, be prepared for funny looks at best. There will be a lot of fear-mongering about how your child will not be able to make it in the “real world”. True, my children are young enough still and I cannot say yet that they have “made it”,(1) but the idea that a system that is focused on keeping children in enclosed buildings all day, their lives run by bells and tests and repetitive tasks and countless interruptions to imaginative and creative thinking and endeavors, and furthermore insisted upon by social engineering to keep age groups together and misfits under control with behavior-modifying drugs...let’s just say that THAT is a fantasy world of fantastic proportions. The fact is, children with customized, individual educations are already living real lives in a real world.

In the rest of the book, we’ll look at specific areas of education, including life and work training, and why we as parents still need to keep our hands to the plow to direct the education and training up of our children, even as we allow those very unique arrows to ultimately direct where they will go.

1. At this time of revising, in 2023, four of my nine children have graduated from our homeschool. One is married with children, one is due to graduate from The Master’s University with a BS in Biology (and will be heading to chiropractic college to become a doctor). The other two are currently working as chiropractic assistants for their dad, while pursuing their other interests (music, hiking, and so much more). I’ll let the reader decide if that means they’re “making it”.

If you’re looking for a simpler, more purposeful life outside of the rule of technology, perhaps you can glean from my experimentations in seeking a more present life. Learn more about the book (and how to get it) by clicking on its image.