Slow Schooling Chapter Eight: Teaching and Training
Knowing the difference, and embracing the power of modeling and habit.
It has been said that the essence of teaching is causing another to know. It may similarly be said that the essence of training is causing another to do.Teaching gives knowledge. Training gives skill. Teaching fills the mind. Training shapes the habits. Teaching brings to the child that which he did not have before. Training enables a child to make use of that which is already his possession. We teach a child the meaning of words. We train a child in speaking and walking. We teach him the truths which we have learned for ourselves. We train him in habits of study, that he may be able to learn other truths for himself.
Clay Trumbull
A proper parental perspective goes a long way in discipling a child. If children are a blessing as the psalms proclaim (specifically 127 and 128), then they are a blessing despite what the world and even our own vexed spirits believe, even in times of frustration or failure. If, on the other hand, they were simply add-ons to a full life, then surely we would find ourselves wanting to escape more, wanting to send them off and away (even to “good schools” or the “best daycare” or to “great programs”), and wanting to join in the chorus of lamenting mothers over the loss of their own personal free time. If my children are a blessing, then I need to choose to behave in that manner: I accept them, I love them, I desire them to be near (yea, even under my feet!), and I have an interest to train them so that they will in turn be a blessing to our nation and our world.
There is a plethora of helpful parenting books, and this is not going to address particular issues, mainly because I am certainly not a parenting expert! Furthermore, my oldest of nine is 25 years old; I still have a lot (a LOT) more parenting to do. In that sense, I am still much in the trenches with my mommy-peers. What I have experienced, however, is that home educating our children allows ample opportunities to witness and assess the growth, or lack of, good character. It also provides a school of sorts to my own character growth, and therein lies the trouble of the matter. Desiring peace and quiet to fold laundry or even cook a small meal is not sinful, but demanding it leads to an exasperation that knows no bounds. Having children at home all day is as busy as, well, having children at home all day.
Slow schooling allows for children to engage in the everyday living of life, rather than setting apart a particular time or season to hit the books. Certainly there is a time to teach and a time to train, but teaching a child how to read is not the same thing as training a child to love reading. Obviously, modeling is a preferred means of training, and that is what discipling does: cultivates a desire and subsequently an ease in following the Master’s (or mother’s) footsteps.
As previously mentioned, slow schooling is not the same as unschooling. Slow schooling allows the parent to direct the child in academic studies deemed of importance, but with a flow that feels right in the season of life everyone is in. The goal in slow schooling is not necessarily the amount of literature read or how fast multiplication tables can be mastered, but in cultivating habits that will foster and bless lifelong learning.
For example, ignoring the climbing childhood chaos while trying to write an email or finish up a project means that poor habits of self-control and restraint are getting fed. Allowing for unmade beds (or whatever home cleanliness standards you may want to have) feeds habits of neglect and poor stewardship. The best time to gently steer the child to better habits is immediately, and immediately only occurs Right Now. Otherwise, those little bugaboos end up as thistle seeds deeply implanted into hearts, and before you know it, character issues become downright prickly for anyone and everyone in contact with your child. Remember your “why” for home education. Would poor habits enable or dismantle those hopes and goals? Keeping your child at home with you means having the ability to meet those needs for correction, promptly.
Probably the greatest hinderance in slow schooling is the amount of time spent outside of the home. This is not only true for the child, no matter how wonderful the outside clubs or classes may be, but it is especially true for the homeschooling mamas. Being at home physically is needful, but being present mentally and emotionally is also of grave importance. Gadding about to other homes via social media or blogs or smartphones creates an environment where a child is more likely to recall seeing the back of Mama’s head more than her sweet smile. It is a tragedy that even in public, parents are seen regularly engrossed in their smartphones at the expense of enjoying their child.
To train up your children in good habits, model those habits. If you desire them to be socially fit to be around people of all ages and stages and nationalities and personalities, then they must see you interacting with the same, with eye contact, smiles, and a genuine love. They will witness when and how you hug another or shake hands, and will ponder your words when those people are away. They will know if you are sincere or hypocritical, acting one way, but speaking in another. Socialization is a topic many people grapple with when discussing home education. Rest assured, if your child is involved in outside activities with other people, and they watch how you interact with people on a regular basis, they are not likely to be lonely or socially awkward. Rather, they will excel in loving their neighbors.
Say “yes” as much as possible. Playdough? Yes (though I’d rather not deal with making the table a mess). A piece of candy? Yes (it’s been a while and I’d rather say “yes” than have them sneak one). Using scissors and glue and glitter? Um...yeeesssss (though I know it’s going to take a long time to clean that up). Most times we say “no” because we are too lazy to deal with the ramifications of what “yes” would mean, from muddy feet to puzzle pieces. Let them be children and enjoy a childhood that tries a variety of different things and experiences. That was part of your “why” to begin with, wasn’t it? Cultivate curiosity and creativity, and they will carry that well into adulthood.
Teaching children to participate in running the household is also helpful in training good habits. That means taking the time to teach how to specifically do chores. They cannot leave home with the habits of clean laundry, washed dishes or a pleasant and healthy home without taking the time and effort to practice them. If you desire to raise up children who will delight in serving their spouses, children, church, neighbors, and nation, then practice, they must. Otherwise, they will expect to BE served. Training, like learning, happens at all times, and it is not always the lesson you hope for them to take to heart.
In training children to be lifelong learners, it helps for them to know you love them. This may seem obvious, but for some of us, simply smiling instead of being serious all of the time when a child comes into a room takes a little practice. Hugs, pats, kisses, sharing jokes and playing games, taking the time to really listen to your son’s new song (with beginner guitar enthusiasm), delighting in the crown of daisies your daughter wants to place upon your head...these are the kinds of occasions to daily delight in your child. Having a relaxed, smiling attitude will bare more fruit than any demanding and sour one, even while the parent is firm about expectations in both cases.
Lastly, let us not belittle the habit of simply being present around family members, fellow sinners. Are certain children more difficult than others? Are there personality conflicts? How about arguments, or differences in opinions or tastes? Emotional roller-coasters, special needs, and struggles for privacy? Health needs and outside trials? Well, how will they ever learn how to function in the Real World if they do not practice in the safety and under the loving guidance of people in their own home? How will they learn that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us? Or where will they practice forgiveness, seventy times seven times?
Slow schooling is not simply about learning how to read on a child’s own timing; it is about training lifelong habits with an eternal perspective in mind. Yes, it involves a homeschooling parent’s full attention and heart. Yes, it means making sacrifices. But can you think of anything more precious than your child’s value and potential in bringing glory to God?
Apr. 30, 2007
4:03 PM
Conventional Education
...Many people I know roll their eyes when I suggest bringing their children home as a means of restoring and repairing their families because I simply don’t know the issues involved with their children. The parent claims she doesn’t have the patience. Or there isn’t time. Or it’s just “not for them”. Or their kids deserve the “best” (“best” being judged by the amount of money it takes). Or it is too hard. Or that it’s a hopeless proposition. So, it goes. “Just wait,“ they tell me about my own children, “until they’re ten (or teenagers....)” They insist upon pressing their children onwards to the *best* of everything, college accounts readied before teeth were cut. I say, let us see. Let us wait, slow to make assumptions and expectations of their lives. Let us instead be one in heart, in relationship, in the peace and joy of the Lord. Let us see where your talents and skills lead. And let us see what He will do...